don't mess with the Pie Ho, oh no! (jantalaimon) wrote in 1973flashfic,
don't mess with the Pie Ho, oh no!

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Valentine Challenge, by jantalaimon, Blue Cortina

TITLE: 161
STYLE/WARNINGS: Crack. Blue Cortina. I'll not spoil the fic by giving you specific pairing information here. Hopefully this warning and the person writing it will have prepared you. ;)
AUTHOR'S NOTES: Semi-instafic for saintvic and norfolkdumpling. >3


He couldn't help it, he supposed. Things just weren't going to work between him and Maya. And really, it was best to let her down easy. After all, that's how he'd want to be treated, were the situation reversed. Really, it was only fair.

So Sam had broken the news to Maya as gently as he knew how, and though she was quite upset, she took it rather well in the end. Somehow, he managed to make the "it's not you, it's me" speech seem genuine and heartfelt---perhaps because it really was him, and somewhere deep inside, she knew it.

"Maya, I..."

"It's OK, Sam. I'll be OK. Actually, I think I'm almost kind of relieved, in a weird sort of way. Does that make any sense?" Maya grinned, one of those half-smiles where her mouth was partially pulled into a frown.

As they so often do, Maya's attempt at smiling triggered Sam into smiling as well, as a bit of the wonton he'd been munching on at lunch sought freedom from the dark and foreboding tunnel of his mouth. It hung down a bit awkwardly over his lower lip, as though it, too, was part of his expression. Which made Maya laugh heartily as she realised Sam didn't even notice.

"You've got a bit of something just there, um, Sam..." she trailed off, unable to contain herself further.

Sam anxiously checked his reflection in the back of his spoon and wiped the wonton bit away with his napkin. "Ah, so I can be wonton and lascivious all at the same time," he grinned weakly.

And with that, the tension was broken, and they managed to have quite a nice lunch, even after The News had finally broken.


This was, in large part, because of what Sam had neglected to tell Maya. The thing of it was, there was actually someone else. exactly. More like something else. And as such things do, it had started out innocently and then gradually worked its way into something more.

It had begun one day when Sam had mistakenly left the holster for his mobile at home. He'd stuck it in his front right pocket, and he'd silenced it for some meeting or other he'd been in. The particular model he'd had at the time had a "vibrate" function that automatically activated whenever its owner set it to silent mode, unless that owner also told it to shut the vibration off as well. So Sam had sat throughout the meeting, not really thinking about it until he got one of the traffic alert text messages for which he'd signed up some time ago.

And then he got another. And another. There was apparently quite a pileup building on his route home, but it was nothing to the one that was steadily building next to where his mobile kept vibrating and vibrating away. When it stopped, Sam almost whimpered aloud, which would surely have got the attention of the others in attendance at this particularly dry and boring meeting.

Directly afterward, whilst safely seated in the loo, he signed himself up for as many text message subscription services as he could remember numbers for. All that insomnia and late-night telly was finally paying off, as he was able to recall quite a few. No sexy talk; that wasn't really necessary, and his mobile billing wouldn't thank him for it if he had. Joke lines; self-help, horoscopes...whatever he could think of. Television and footy updates...really, anything at all would do.

After that, he was happy. At least, for a time. Maya wasn't the only one who noticed the change, and how Sam was a much more easygoing, less tightly-wound individual than anyone in CID had previously known him to be. In fact, so pleased was she that she offered to buy him a new mobile for St. Valentine's Day.

"I know it's not proper form, and that it's really meant to be a surprise. But I thought it might be nice if we went shopping, you picked out one you liked, and I bought you a nice treat for a change, big boy." Maya smiled deviously as she pulled Sam toward her by his impeccable honey-coloured shimmery silk tie---the one that so perfectly matched that warm amber note in his eyes.

But instead of the happy, excited-little-boy-face she'd expected at the promise of a shiny new electronic gadget in his immediate future, Sam drew backward and audibly hissed.

"What? What is it? What's the matter?" Maya was quite alarmed.

"Oh, it's nothing. It's...nothing." Sam's eyes went cold and flat as he rearranged the already-militarily-perfect Windsor knot and extricated his tie from Maya's futilely grasping fingers.

She wants to break us up, I know she's just jealous, but I won't let her near you, my precious... was the message that flashed on the face of the screen of his mobile a few moments later. Sure, he'd had to send it to himself, but if you couldn't talk to yourself, who could you talk to?

Sam breathed a little sigh of pleasure and began to weigh the merits of keeping separate mobile units for work and play, just to keep things compartmentalised. Might simplify billing. And he did have two front pockets in most of his trousers...

Tags: loz is going to kill me, valentine challenge
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