Using words like a trickster (liquorishflame) wrote in 1973flashfic,
Using words like a trickster

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April Fools Challenge-liquorishflame

Title: Picnics, Saturdays, and Clichés
Rating: Brown Cortina for language and seeexxx
Author: liquorishflame (meee!)
Spoilers: Nothing comes to mind :)
Summary: Sam decides to take Gene on a romantic picnic in the woods and makes Gene feel a bit foolish :) Gene/Sam
A/N: Unbeated smuty angora fluff. Not my fault, this is draycevixen's bunny. She complained that she needed to see Sam and Gene getting their sex on. I jokingly replied 'Sam, Gene, picnic, strawberries, chocolate syrup. Need I say more?', to which her reply was mostly 'YES!' So here it is. :)

'Okay Tyler, I'll bite. Why are we here?'

Sam grinned at him as they slammed the doors of the Cortina.

'We needed to get away, that's why.'

'So you thought you'd play Robin Hood and Sheriff of Naughty-ingham?' he said, gesturing to the expanse of trees and woodlands in front of them.

'Or Guy of Gisborne/Robin Hood. I could cut your heart out with a spoon.' Chortles and snorts of laughter followed the remark, which, to Gene's mind, seemed a bit ridiculous. It wasn't even very funny.

'Why a spoon?' he asked, feeling like a straight man.

'Because it's dull, it would hurt more!' Sam growled with glee, obviously imitating someone or something, but he'd be damned if he knew.

'Wait, let me guess, that was your Quasimodo right? Got the limp and the squint down perfect.'

He smirked with satisfaction as Sam frowned, even sneaking a peek his feet, trying to look serious as his DI looked back up.

'Crikey, that's how you usually look? I feel sorry for your mum, havin' to gaze at that ugly mug and pretend to love it.'

There was suddenly a whole lot of Sam in front of him. 'It's good enough for you Guv.'

Damn the man, using that tone of voice. He knew it gave 'im the horn.

'Nah, yer just a sympathy shag.'

'Oh, so the other night, when we were fucking in my creaky little bed-sit, and you were sayin "Oh yes, oh God, oh yes Sam, more!"...that all, that was just acting?'

A warm hand reached down and started to caress the front of his trousers.


'When I reached up and licked your nipples, making you groan with ecstasy as I pressed you deeper into me, and you came so hard you were nearly comatose, that was acting.'

'Yeh, I should win a bloody Oscar.' Gene croaked. The hand suddenly vanished, and Sam pulled away, walking back to the Cortina.

'All right then, back to Manchester. Villains to nick, dustbins to knock over-'

'Wait now, hang on!'

Sam paused, and turned back, an innocent smile on his face. Wanker.


'Yer bloody gorgeous all right? I can't resist you, there, I said it, now can we get on to the shaggin'?'

'Come on Gene, I'm not just gonna give it to yeh on a platter. The thrill is in the chase.'

'You what?'

'I'll race you old man. First one to that tree, all right?' He pointed briefly at a tree up ahead, flashed a grin, and was off.

'You li'll tart!' Gene was off after him, grinning as he legged it through the trees. Only to be ambushed from the side, landing, thankfully, on something soft. Hazel eyes smiled into his.


'Yes Guv?' he said brightly.

'I'm layin' on a blanket.'

'Your keen powers of deduction have not yet deserted you.'

'You planned this, didn't you.' Statement, not question. Tosser had the audacity to look wounded, before he couldn't hold it and smiled.


'Well, if I'm a cheeky underhanded bastard, lets just say "I learn from the best." In fact, that could be you an me. Beauty and the Best.'

'Fine, you be Beauty, I'll be the Best.'

'Tale as old as time.' Sam hummed out, making Gene frown.

' 'Scuse me, but does the UN know you do this to your prisoners?' he said, not able to resist taking the piss out of his usually tight arsed DI (and didn't that give him ideas!).

'Ve haf vays of making you talk!' Sam growled, making his hairs (and other things) stand on end.
He reached to the side, and brought some handcuffs into view. Wait, no. Not handcuffs, cuffs, but made of leather.

'I'm always on you to use restraint Guv. Time you took my advice.'

'And what if I'm not interested?'

Sam brought his face closer, so close their lips were almost touching, his eyelashes brushing his cheek.

'I'll make it worth your while.' he whispered huskily. He was nodding before he'd even really heard what he said.

Reaching again to the side, Sam brought out a small covered basket.

'What's that?'

'Close your eyes.'

'No! What's in the basket?!' growled Gene, feeling a) impatient and b) horny.

Sam reached into it and brought out a ripe red strawberry, and leaned over, putting it in Gene's mouth, pushing it past his lips. He sucked on the younger mans fingers, feeling a spike of triumph when he heard a happy moan. Sam pulled his fingers back, flushed and grinning as Gene ate the fruit. They were fresh, farm fresh, tasted amazing. He was going to say so, but Sam put another berry in his mouth, letting him lick and suck those clever fingers again. After doing this about (four times? five? He lost count), Sam stopped.

'Bloody hell Gladys, don't know how much more of this I can take! What's wrong with just shaggin'?'

'Just shagging is only "just shagging". This is seduction.'

'I'm not a bird.'

Sam grinned and ground his hips into him, making them both groan.

'...Yeh, I noticed.'

'Uhhhh....jus'...mean that...don't need....all this...frippery.'

'What, you're not enjoying yourself Gene?'

He opened his mouth to say "no", and then stopped. Was he? There was a sort of agony coming from the area of his wedding tackle, but even so, he was...well...he was enjoying the feeling. Most days, they'd work each other into a real froth and then just have at it. Having to wait for it, even if the wait was somewhat on the painful side, was an interesting change. Might even say welcome change. Not that he was gonna say that out loud.

'Didn't say "stop", now did I?'


Sam brought a ripe red morsel to his lips and bit into it, making sounds that would be at home in a porno as juice ran down his chin. Gene groaned, arching upwards into his DI. He'd changed his mind. Sex now, no more messing about!

'Saaaammmm.' Half in protest, half passion.


'Sam, I'm dyin' over here!'

'Look fine to me.'

'Get us the lube love, come on now.' If he got any harder he'd punch a hole thorugh his trousers.

Sam shook his head.

'Don't have it.'

'Don't have it?! Big old "boy sprout" like you?'

'It's boy scout.'

'Scout, sprout, who cares, lube!'

'Left it at home.'

'For the love of God, why?!!'

The younger man leaned over so far he was almost laying on top of him, and started to nuzzle his neck, licking, kissing, biting. Gene couldn't do anything but gasp and writhe.

'Mmmm, foreplay.' Sam finally said. 'Foreplay here, rutting into the sheets there. Get the picture?'

He sat up again, and started to unbutton Gene's shirt.

'Now that's more like it.' he said, then gave a low growl as Sam started to tease his nipples, wriggling underneath his DI. He had to close his eyes, just wanting to feel more. As he did, he felt something cold drizzled on him. His eyes snapped open.

'What's that then?'

'Chocolate sauce.'

'I'm not a bloody sponge cake Tyler!'

He gasped as Sam leaned down, and a hot, wet tongue started to lick the sauce off him. He'd thought he was hard before, but now he was sure if he shot his wad, it'd fly to the moon.


More chocolate sauce and more licking. He writhed and swore and thought dirty thoughts about tearing free of the cuffs and rogering his DI into next week. All of which, of course, was nigh on impossible.

'Sam! Come on Sam!'

His DI sat up, breathing hard, hair a mess, and eyes bright.

' "Come on Sam" what?'

He was waiting for him to say something. Well he'd say anything right now, anything, just for a chance to get relief.

'Please! Please Sam, please!'

Put this date on the calendar, the day Gene Hunt begged for something, oh my Guiness.
But he didn't give a toss because Sam was unzipping his trousers and thrusting his hand inside, down his y-fronts.
He let out a sound that was half a sigh and half a groan.

'Yes, yes, ohhh bloody...fantastic!'

Sam's hot little hand, pumping up and down, clenching him tight. So hard, he was gonna explode...and then he felt a nice hard length rubbing up against his own.
He shouted out loud, dimly heard someone else shouting as he spurted into the hand holding him, thrusting and thrusting until he was spent.

Blinking, he opened his eyes to the bright blue sky, sunlight through the green leaves.

'You, are a sex genius.' he panted into his lover's ear, as the other man lay on top of him, just as exhausted. There was a puffing sound that must have been Sam laughing.

'Yeh..told ya it'd be worth it.' Leaning up, he kissed him, and Gene kissed back.

'Mind if I?' He wiggled his arms.

'Oh...oh! Yeh, sorry, sorry.' He was let out of the cuffs, and brought his hands around to stroke a shoulder that was smoother then any man's should be, idly wondering when the shirt had disappeared.

'I love yeh.'

The words popped out before he could even think. Sam stilled under his hands, and for a moment, he remembered the last days between him and the Missus, how she'd pull away, how she said he was "too excitable." Well done Gene Genius, you stupid old poof, scare away the lad.
Then Sam tilted his head and smiled at him.

'I know.'

There was a pause as he took that in.



'Yeh, and?!' he growled.

'And, I love you.'

'Too right.' Gene huffed as they both settled back down onto the blanket.
Tags: fool challenge
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