don't mess with the Pie Ho, oh no! (jantalaimon) wrote in 1973flashfic,
don't mess with the Pie Ho, oh no!
jantalaimon
1973flashfic

Amnesty 2007 - Music Challenge, by jantalaimon

TITLE: Promises In The Dark
AUTHOR: Janni
WORD COUNT: 2815
STYLE/WARNINGS: Red Cortina for musical BDSM slashery. I now present to you The Psycho!Samatic Cycle...in musical form! As it was always meant to be played!
AUTHOR'S NOTES: For m31andy and cuvalwen, without whom the source material would never have existed. This is a joint birthday present, and with any luck will go up solidly between their birthdays, which are suspiciously only 4 days apart. Hrrm. ;)
DISCLAIMER: Life on Mars is copyright Kudos and the BBC. All lyrics involved in this musical are copyright their respective authors, and all bits and pieces are used with no infringement intended and no money being made (full list of just exactly which songs were so pillaged to be provided in endnotes). And also no disrespect. And I don't think anyone else would want to claim credit for the finished product anyway, so. XD Soundtrack (un)available on WTF Records.


PROMISES IN THE DARK

[WE ENTER ON A CLOSED CURTAIN. The curtain draws back as the slow strains of a keyboard are heard, doing a fade-up through the auditorium. THE CURTAIN opens on A LONE FIGURE, with spotlight casting that figure into shadow as it sits slumped over a chair turned backwards. THE FIGURE is sitting sideways on the chair, and clearly holds something on its lap. As a spotlight comes up on the figure, we see it is A LITTLE GIRL in a red dress, with blonde hair, holding a small stuffed clown.]

GIRL: [sings] You know and I know my clone sleeps alone
She's out on her own - forever
She's programmed to work hard, she's never profane
She won't go insane, not ever
No VD, no cancer, on TV's the answer
No father, no mother, she's just like the others
And you know and I know, my clone sleeps alone...

[THE MUSIC begins to speed up, and the girl comes alive as the song intensifies, and she gets up from her chair and begins to dance. The spotlight widens, and it is revealed that there is an entire army of little blonde girls who all dance in unison, twirling their clown partners as they dance around the stage and the first girl continues to sing. THE CLONE ARMY joins in on the chorus, and it is revealed that they do, indeed, harmonise quite well together.]

GIRL: [still singing]Your clone loves my clone, but yours cannot see
That's no way to be, in heaven
No sorrow, no heartache, just clone harmony
So obviously, it's heaven

No naughty clone ladies allowed in the eighties
No bed names, no sex games, just clone names and clone games
And you know and I know my clone sleeps alone [she points to the clone nearest her]

Before we existed, the cloning began
The cloning of man and woman
When we're gone, they'll live on, cloned endlessly
It's mandatory...in heaven

But they won't remember or ever be tender
No loving, no caring, no program for pairing
No VD, no cancer; on TV's the answer
No father, no mother, she's just like the others

No naughty clone ladies allowed in the eighties
And you know and I know my clone sleeps alone
My clone sleeps alone!
My clone sleeps alone!

[ALL THE CLONES run offstage in both directions, revealing ANOTHER LONE FIGURE rising on ANOTHER CHAIR out of the bottom of the stage, dead centre. THIS FIGURE is SAM TYLER, in a leather jacket, flares, and cuban heels. MORE MUSIC begins playing as he begins to sing.]

SAM:singing "Never again," isn't that what you said?
You've been through this before
And you swore this time, you'd think with your head
No one would ever have you again
And if takin was gonna get done
You'd decide where and when
Just when you think you've got it down
Your heart securely tied and bound
They whisper promises in the dark...

[THE MUSIC FADES, and the image fades too as we realise this was all a dream and SAM TYLER awakens in his bed, soaked with sweat. SAM looks around anxiously, seeing the image of TEST CARD F on his television, minus the girl and her clown.]

SAM: If a job's worth doing, it's worth doing right. [He gets out of bed, grabs his jacket, slips his boots on, and exits the room, humming to himself as he begins to stalk the night streets, presumably in search of THE MISSING TEST-CARD GIRL.]

SAM:[singing again] I need a lover that won't drive me crazy
I need a lover that won't drive me mad
I need a lover that won't drive me crazy
I need a lover that won't drive me crazy
Someone to thrill me, and then go away
I need a lover that won't drive me crazy
Someone that knows the meaning of "ah - hey, hit the highway!"

[SAM finally manages to track down THE TEST CARD GIRL, and makes short work of knocking her out and slinging her over his shoulder. Luckily, it's just behind his building, so it's not too difficult to sneak back up to his flat undetected. Work complete, he turns toward the camera and begins singing again as he heaves the girl up the steps to his flat.]

Well I've been walking the streets in the evening
Racing through this human jungle at night
I'm so confused, my mind is indifferent
Hey - I'm so weak, won't someone shut out that light?

[SAM reaches his door, and there is a FADE TO BLACK as he and the girl vanish into his flat.]

******


[INT of CID. Next day. It is apparent they are on a case, and it looks to be a big one.]

DCI GENE HUNT: This one's ugly. But we're gonna catch this scum who's killing little girls, whoever he is, and teach him that NO ONE messes with my city. No one. You got that?

[Everyone nods and begins moving toward the door. We see SAM TYLER sat next to CHRIS SKELTON, RAY CARLING, AND ANNIE CARTWRIGHT ranged around DCI HUNT.]

SAM: I'm going to check out some toy shops, see if someone's bought a job lot of these clowns.

GENE: If your fancy ways can find our killer, go right ahead, Dorothy.

SAM: Thanks for the vote of confidence, Guv.

[SAM leaves, and a fast-paced synthesizer beat comes up behind him. He picks up the pace, and begins singing as passersby start whispering "get nervous" in rhythm around him as he passes them in the street.]

SAM:

I feel a little shaky, I can't control my nerves
I know you think I'm fakin', but can't you feel the curve
I swear to you that feelin', it scares me half to death
It gathers in my throat and it gathers up my breath

Anxiety got me on the run
anxiety, yeah I just need someone
Anxiety, can't get nothing done
anxiety spoils all the fun

[SAM stops in an IRONMONGERS, but finds nothing. Next door to the IRONMONGERS is a HOMEBREW SHOP. The music continues to play and he continues to sing as he walks inside and the camera follows him down the aisles as he gathers various implements together---some flexible tubing, some sugar, and a spigot.]

I'm pickin' up the telephone, there's no one I could call
I need somebody bad and I get no sleep at all
I wish I could relax, I just can't stop my mind
I wish I could collapse, but my body's not that kind

Anxiety got me on the run
anxiety, yeah I just need someone
Anxiety, can't get nothing done
anxiety spoils all the fun

Can't you hear my heart beat, hear the way it sounds
Can't you hear my heart beat, hear the way it pounds
Just give me something to slow it down, yeah

[THE MUSIC FADES, as SAM bumps headlong into GENE.]

Gene: What's all this, then?

Sam: Oh, I'm going to make toffee and boiled sweets and all sorts of lovely things for all the kids to eat! No luck with the clowns, but something about being in all those toy shops brought out my inner child! [SAM grins his most winning, goofy grin at the Guv.]

Gene: More like your inner Fanny Craddock. Come on, Fanny, there's work needs doing.

******


[SAM is now concerned. A NEW BODY has turned up and it's not one he remembers doing. A NOTE arrives on his desk in CID while he's out. He turns it over in his hand wonderingly. It bears only two words. "Joni. Midnight."]

******


[NEAR MIDNIGHT. SAM walks down the street toward the canal, once again singing his exposition.]

SAM: [singing] I had it with the same old routine
I had it with the same old faces, places
Everynight, in my life
I started feeling washed up, washed out
Hung up, wrung out, left to dry out
Everynight

But I know
Yeah, I know you’re out there, somewhere
Oh, I, I can almost hear you callin’
I’m looking for a stranger in the night
I need a little danger in my life, tonight...

[SAM arrives at the canal as the music fades away. DC CHRIS SKELTON steps out of the shadows, as if on cue.]

CHRIS:[singing]
In the heat of the night, when you know it ain't right
But you do what you wanna do
You do what you feel, no one can feel like you
Out in the summertime city, ain't it a pity
There's so much to tie you down
You're leaving tonight to somewhere you can't be found...

[THE MUSIC FADES, and SAM realises CHRIS is nothing like he'd thought.]

SAM: It was...you?

CHRIS: Oh, yes. I've been learning a lot. [CHRIS lunges for SAM with a wicked grin on his face and pins him against a wall, kissing him more and more urgently and drawing blood.]

[SAM moans, then grabs CHRIS' hand and begins pulling him down the street, in the general direction of his flat. More music begins playing.]

SAM: [singing]
Your love's contagious, one kiss is dangerous
But I have more to risk, than you to lose
I feel passion growing
I know that love is only just one inch away, from striking us
We live for love
We live for love

[THE TWO MEN arrive at SAM'S flat, and he clumsily opens the door even as CHRIS' busy hands are everywhere. Heedless of this, Sam continues singing. All the while both of them rip each other's clothes off, in fact, Sam continues singing.]

When we get tired, and watch the summer fade away
Will you think of romance, what will we do?
Is there a place where we can go?
Where time stands still for those who know?
Till eternity will fulfill our desires?


[BOTH MEN are now in the throes of sex, and grasping each other's cocks in carefully choreographed time, they begin rocking in rhythm as they sing the next chorus.]

We live for love
We live for love
We live for love
We live for love

[SAM continues to sing on his own as they move toward the shower. CHRIS mouths the words "I'm going to fuck you" and grabs at a jar of Vaseline SAM has indicated in the medicine chest behind him. SAM sings the following as he turns the bloodbath on and CHRIS turns him around and bends him over.]

I never planned to win the race
But you convinced me face to face
There was never a chance of losing at all

[BOTH MEN pant out the next chorus as CHRIS pumps SAM in time with their singing. Moaning. Singing. Yeah.]

We live for love
We live for love
We live for love
We live for love

[THE TWO MEN are now in SAM'S bed, utterly spent. Still, they sing each other to sleep.]

SAM AND CHRIS: We're running with the shadows of the night
So baby take my hand, it'll be all right
Surrender all your dreams to me tonight
They'll come true in the end...

Use every alibi and words you deny
That love ain't meant to last
You can cry tough baby, it's all right
You can let me down easy, but not tonight

We're running with the shadows of the night
So baby take my hand, it'll be all right
Surrender all your dreams to me tonight
They'll come true in the end...

******


[WE'RE INSIDE SAM'S HEAD. He's dreaming. There's...music! A MONTAGE of the next string of events plays, as CHRIS turns on SAM and delivers some much-needed evidence to GENE.]

TEST-CARD GIRL: [singing] Armed and ready, you fought love battles in the night
But too many opponents made you weary of the fight
Blinded by passion, you foolishly let someone in
All the warnings went off in your head, still you had to give in

Just when you think you got it down
Resistance nowhere to be found
They whisper promises in the dark

But promises, you know what they're for
It sounds so convincing, but you heard it before
Cause talk is cheap and you gotta be sure
And so you put up your guard
And you try to be hard but your heart says try again

You desperately search for a way to conquer the fear
No line of attack has been planned to fight back the tears
Where bold and restless dreams are both won and lost
On the edge is where it seems its well worth the cost

Just when you think you got it down
Your heart in pieces on the ground
They whisper promises in the dark...

******


[SAM is now trussed up like a Christmas turkey, on his own butcher's block table, completely naked. CHRIS stands by, grinning evilly. SAM had been unconscious, but now he's come awake.]

SAM: You fucked me and then YOU FUCKED ME!

[CHRIS merely leers. His eyes are flat, cold, and completely unlike the CHRIS to which everyone else is accustomed.]

SAM: [singing] Ooo, you're givin me the fever tonight
I don't wanna give in
I'd be playin with fire
You forget, I've seen you work before
Take `em straight to the top
Leave `em cryin for more
Ive seen you burn `em before

Fire and ice
You come on like a flame
Then you turn a cold shoulder
Fire and ice
I wanna give you my love
But you'll just take a little piece of my heart

You'll just tear it apart

Movin' in for the kill tonight
You got every advantage when they put out the lights
It's not so pretty when it fades away
Cause it's just an illusion in this passion play
I've seen you burn `em before

Fire and ice
You come on like a flame
Then you turn a cold shoulder
Fire and ice
I wanna give you my love
But you'll just take a little piece of my heart

You'll just tear it apart

So you think you got it all figured out
You're an expert in the field, without a doubt
But I know your methods inside and out
And I won't be taken in by fire and ice

CHRIS: Oh, please, Boss, won't you SHUT UP?!

[CHRIS knocks SAM out cold, and the music goes dead.]

~~~fin~~~

[ENDNOTES:

Songs pillaged and misused for this were all originally recorded by Pat Benatar except for one, which she eventually covered live. Credits as below:

"My Clone Sleeps Alone" Written by: Roger Capps & Pat Benatar
@Copyright 1979 by Rare Blue Music, Inc.

"Promises in the Dark" Written by: Pat Benatar & Neil Geraldo
@Copyright 1981 by Big Tooth Music, Neil T. Geraldo

"Anxiety (Get Nervous)" Written by: Neil Geraldo & Billy Steinberg
@Copyright 1982 by Billy Steinberg, Neil T. Geraldo

"I Need A Lover" Written by: John Cougar Mellencamp
@Copyright - Unknown

"Looking for a Stranger" Written by: Franne Golde & Peter McIan
@Copyright 1982 by Rightsong Music, Inc.

"In the Heat of the Night" Written by: Nicky Chinn & Mike Chapman
@Copyright 1978 Arista Music, Inc.

"We Live For Love" Written by: Neil Geraldo
@Copyright 1979 by Neil T. Geraldo

"Shadows of the Night" Written by: D. L. Byron
@Copyright - Unknown

"Fire and Ice" Written by: Pat Benatar, Scott Sheets & Tom Kelly
@Copyright 1981 by Denise Barry Music

All attribution and copyright information taken from http://www.benatarfanclub.com.]
Tags: amnesty 2007, loz is going to kill me, music challenge
Subscribe
  • Post a new comment

    Error

    default userpic

    Your reply will be screened

    When you submit the form an invisible reCAPTCHA check will be performed.
    You must follow the Privacy Policy and Google Terms of use.
  • 26 comments