Author: Nat :)
Rating: Blue Cortina?... implied sex
Word Count: 953
Notes: I think this is my first Life on Mars fic. I may have written one before, but I don't think so. Anywhosit, this is un-betaed and by a noob, so concrit would be lovely. I'm not sure why I wrote this to a Taylor Hicks song, because I'm not a fan of his, but I think the chorus fits Sam and Gene really well.
Disclaimer: Sam, Gene and the rest of the team belong to the BBC. "Dream Myself Awake" belongs to Taylor Hicks.
So I dream myself awake
And I tear myself to pieces
I've had more than I can take
But I just don't see me leaving
Do me wrong
Do me right
Do me any way you want tonight
I can't get enough of you baby...
Sam sighed when he heard the soft knock on his door. He knew without asking or even turning away from the telly that it was Gene, but Gene had his own key, even if he never used it. Sam knew Gene was afraid that using the key somehow made what was going on between them more real. He also knew that everyone in their department knew that Gene had a key to his flat. Gene had been so mad about that one. Sam didn't really see why. All he had done was march up to Gene after the third time he had his door kicked in, lay a key on his desk, and declare that he figured it would cheaper to have a key made than to have to fix his door all the time. It wasn't like it was some discreet thing. He had a valid reason.
Gene knocked again.
"Use the key," Sam snapped over his shoulder, "I'm not moving my arse from this spot." He was shocked to hear the sound of the key in the lock and the creak of the door.
"Sam..." Gene began, but then he stopped. There wasn't really anything to say.
"Guv." Sam replied, tone flat and impersonal. He didn't turn to face the door.
Gene didn't say anything else. He just stood there. Sam could practically hear his uncertainty. Of course, no one could blame Gene for being hesitant. In the two years that Sam had worked with them in Manchester, everyone had learned what a terrifying thing his temper could be. Gene was normally the only one who could calm him down, but Gene had never been on the receiving end of the full force of his temper until today.
Sam couldn't even remember exactly what Gene had said to make him lose it like that. It had probably been some inconsequential jibe about Hyde that Sam would have disregarded or laughed off another day. But combined with the way Gene had been treating him lately and constant pressure from Morgan to return to Hyde, it had been the straw that broke the camel's back.
"I've just about had enough of you," Sam declared, breaking the silence at last. He turned to face Gene, "I just can't take this anymore."
"What d'you mean 'this'?" Gene asked.
"You and me, this place, life in general..." Sam trailed off, "Sometimes I think everyone would be better off if I never came here at all."
"The only people who'd be better off if you 'ad never come 'ere are thugs and fences," Gene told him, "You're good for our team, Sam. I can see why Morgan wants you back so much." He sat down next to Sam on the bed.
So this was the apology. It always went like this. Gene well and truly pissed Sam off, Sam walked away and gave Gene the cold shoulder for a few days, and then Gene showed up at Sam's flat. He never really said he was sorry, never made any overtures towards seeking forgiveness, but it didn't make a difference. The intent was clear, and it always ended the same way--with Gene sneaking out of Sam's apartment in the wee hours of the morning with a serious crick in his neck from spending the night sharing Sam's tiny bed.
Tonight was different, though. Gene had been treating Sam like shit for the past month and a half. It wouldn't bother Sam half as much if he felt he in any way deserved it, but he didn't. He wasn't sure what, but something had changed between him and Gene and it was almost certainly not for the better. And yet, he still couldn't bring himself to tell Gene to leave and not come back. It was so confusing. It shouldn't be so hard to end something that you pretended had never begun.
"I don't think I could leave if I tried, Gene," Sam admitted with a sigh. "I'm starting to think I belong here."
"You do," Gene told him, putting a gentle hand on his shoulder, and Sam knew that it was as close to an 'I love you' that he was ever going to get. The knowledge hurt, but at the same time it didn't matter. Just knowing was almost enough.
Gene shifted slightly closer and the atmosphere abruptly changed. All of sudden, Gene's past rude behavior, anything he may have said or done to make Sam angry, meant nothing. There was really no point in pretending that he could just pack up and go back. He had made his choice, and he was stuck with it. Yes, Gene was infuriating at times, but Sam could think of better ways to vent his frustration than fighting. He counted it as a blessing that Gene liked it rough.
They were laughing as they walked into the station side-by-side the next morning. The team stared in disbelief, all thinking the same thing--what happened to fighting? They all felt better once they noticed the bruises.
"You two have a punch-up last night, Boss?" Chris asked.
Sam turned to him and grinned, "Yeah. It's amazing how a good punch-up can solve things, sometimes." The fact the team continued to buy that lie never ceased to amaze Sam. He could only hope they would keep believing him indefinitely. No matter what he might say, there was no way he would ever have his fill of Gene Hunt.