Rating: Blue Cortina – Mature themes. Probably not safe for work.
Word Count: 1400 words.
Notes: Ah yes. The obligatory gender-switch, body-swap crackfic – written as a series of drabbles. You knew it had to happen at some point. (I’m impressed I’ve exhibited restraint for this long.) It’s Sam/Annie. Neuralclone inspired something within this. (Sorry?!) The title is from the OK Go song “A Million Ways”.
There’s wrong. And then there’s very wrong. This was that latter one. He was looking up. Not at his ceiling. It wasn’t a hospital ceiling. It wasn’t the station ceiling. It was a ceiling unto itself. He swung his head around cautiously and saw warm russet walls arranged in a vomit inducing pattern not much more superior to that back in his dingy flat. A clock on the table next to the bed ticked over to 7.25. He hadn’t slept with anyone in a drunken stupor. At least, he didn’t feel he had. He didn’t feel quite right at all.
She was at Sam’s. It was definitely Sam’s – it had that Sam kind of smell – not overpowering, not horrible, just distinctly him. She breathed it in, an early morning moan escaping her throat. It didn’t sound very normal. She must have been injured. It couldn’t be that other thing, because she’d remember that – she’d know, even if she’d drunk enough to collapse from alcohol poisoning. Because that kind of intimacy with Sam would be unforgettable. Yeah, she had to be injured, because she could almost swear part of her was pushing against the sheet, and that wasn’t exactly normal either.
Breasts. Breasts, breasts, breasts, breasts, breasts. He fondled them. It had been ages since he’d had contact with the female physique (LSD and bouncy bouncy did not count; he hadn’t been fully sentient), and now, here they were, right there for him to touch. Annie had admirable breasts. Brilliant breasts. He sometimes, very occasionally, let his eyes wander towards them, from time to time, for a bit. He tried to restrict it to those moments when she was favourably disposed to his gaze. He wasn’t like some men, completely fixated - but since they were right within reach. Oh yes. Breasts.
She panicked. She couldn’t help it. She was fairly sure she was having a very strange and sensationally realistic nightmare. This was Sam’s face staring back at her in the cracked mirror, not her own. It was Sam’s body clothing her from head to foot. And she’d already seen him naked, but that wasn’t quite the same as having it all within reach. It wasn’t the same as feeling it twitch. She needed to wake up – right this second, right now, right away. Wake up and get herself some strong coffee. Wake up and dig out her dream-analysis books. Immediately.
He was crazy, he knew it. Completely and utterly insane. But hey, he could handle that. At least now it was a surety. Sam Tyler. Ooooh! Samantha Tyler. This was putting a whole new spin on things. He’d done the time travel thing. He’d done the evil little girl thing. Why not be female? Usually, Sam was pretty comfortable in his own skin, but he could try to be comfortable in someone else’s. And what a skin to have. Better Annie than Gene. His mind worked in wonderful ways. He slipped the hat on and walked out the door.
She wanted to stay exactly where she was and not do anything or go anywhere, but there was something luring her into action. The Jacket lay nearby. One arm through a sleeve and then another. The leather smooth against her skin. His skin. No. Her skin. She stood and stretched her arms, tilting her head to one side. She padded back into the bathroom and gazed at the face staring back at her, eyes narrowed and lips curving into a smile. She had often wondered what it was like to be Sam. She could literally step into his shoes.
Navigating to the station wasn’t as difficult as he had assumed. He figured he had a homing signal embedded in his psyche. He went to walk straight into CID before realising this was not the best course of action and headed towards where he knew Phyllis would be. Annie’s heels were considerably lower than his own, but the stockings were another matter altogether. He felt the eyes of most males in the station, and a not so cleverly concealed perversion in him relished it. Finally. A bit of positive recognition amongst his overbearing peers. He could get used to this.
When she saw herself leaning up over the desk, lips parted and top button undone, Annie had a strong urge to walk over and kick some shins. She never looked that suggestive. Just what did he think he was doing to her reputation? Phyllis glanced at her, but deemed her uninteresting and went back to reading a report.
Annie kept her voice low as she closed the distance between herself and her body. “Sam?”
Eyes flickered up. She saw recognition, understanding. Yes, this was definitely Sam.
“Can we go talk somewhere? Like round about now?”
“I think we must.”
It was strange to see his own cheekbones angled in contrast to sucked in cheeks.
“You aren’t even a little bit concerned about what’s happened here, Sam. You’re doing just fine.”
“Well yeah, I may appear to be, but really I’m not.” He wasn’t exactly lying. He wasn’t exactly telling the truth. “These arms are not my arms, these legs are not my legs, these breasts are not my breasts,” Sam said, cupping his hands to his chest.
“Oi! You can get my greasy mitts off of those, Sam Tyler. Or I’ll thwap you one.”
Sam grinned. “Do you promise?”
They kissed. It seemed the sensible thing to do at the time. She wasn’t really sure what inspired it. Annie had never imagined kissing Sam would be like this. This was probably for the best, because if she had imagined this, she’d have serious concerns for her mental health.
When she stepped back, Annie was looking at Sam. Not Sam in her body. Sam’s face. The face she had just hid behind. Those brown eyes and that soft-looking mouth. She glanced down and saw familiar body parts, welcome body parts. Her body.
It felt so good to be whole again.
Sam didn’t understand what had happened, but he was faintly disappointed.
“How are you feeling?”
“Much better, thanks, and you?”
Sam replied with a non-commital nod.
Annie continued. “What do you think happened?”
“I wouldn’t like to say.”
“You don’t have any ideas?”
Annie frowned. She looked so pretty when she frowned. Sam should have frowned more when he had the chance. There were lots of things he would have done, had he had the chance.
“I’m going to go home, tell Phyllis I’m sick.”
“Probably for the best. Me too.”
“They’ll think we’re going off together.”
Phyllis was not as ornery as she could have been. It helped that she had not been behaving like her usual self. As much as Sam liked to talk about filing, he didn’t really know that much about it. Annie had several mistakes to fix up in the next couple of days. For now, she’d spend some time relaxing. Annie still wasn’t sure what Sam had got up to during the morning, but she trusted that it wasn’t too awful. Actually, she trusted Sam with a lot more than she had ever expected. She wondered if he trusted her too.
Sam locked himself into his flat and inspected all accoutrements thoroughly. There was nothing too out of the ordinary… except that he had the distinct feeling he’d had hands in places. There was a relaxation spread throughout his muscular system which had nothing to do with relief at being back in his own body. 1973 equalled copious amounts of absentee action, and this was the height of unfair. He wanted to be there when these things happened to him. Not somewhere else. Not drugged to the hilt. Sam walked back into the hallway. Well, there were methods for rectifying this.
He had that intense look in his eyes which signified a form of internal implosion. It was completely absorbing. She allowed him into her flat. She knew why he was here. Sam gripped at her shoulders and pulled her forward, pressing his lips against hers. His tongue flicked over her teeth and she tilted with him, ensuring easier access. This was markedly different from the earlier kiss. It wasn’t as sweet. Not as unsure. She heard her heartbeat thumping counterpoint to his. She had already possessed Sam’s body, he had already possessed hers; this was the time to be entwined.